Blink up the tears
I was never really the person who believes in horoscopes, but still randomly read them from time to time cause I have this dailyhoroscope app on my blackberry. So today’s horoscope was saying something about me being in a really difficult and awkward phase, but I’ll gradually get over it, after I meet someone new, who will then enter me into my new phase of life. (weird shit)
Similar to the idea of how I never really believed in them, I used to think that things between us was actually more of like nothing is set in stone yet/ I still can change things. And in cue with it, I now know it’s not true. And on a random note, I can’t help but think that I was actually deserving all this shit that that dude has been dishing me with. To be frank, it totally was me acting the fool. Sighhh. So when even the last resort fell through, I clearly should see that this is really the end of me falling head over heels with this boy, and being so obstinate all this while about this belief I blindly held on to. So, these days, I pretend/hypnotize myself so hard that I’m kinda really over you.(or rather, borderline) Like uh just to name a few, not mentioning your name at all is one good attempt, not checking your facebook that often(it’s not easy to), not talking to my friends about you. Being a shining example of a person who don’t deal well with my tear glands, I managed to moderately suck it all up, which really does say quite a lot(you must understand this). I think I need to learn to be more literally appropriate, and a person who don’t use words like dance spilling out from a tongue, I don’t always put the proper words in the sentences, and I mess up my vocabulary(mini bank). I just can’t seem to really put my words across now.
In the book Joy Luck Club, there’s this line which says “Isn’t hate merely the result of wounded love?” Haha, quite frankly, I think there’s only a thin line between love and hate. Because both will mean that that person is something special. And this intricate relationship (to me) is like this: the more this love starts to hurt you, you blame this person(who might not exactly be the most innocent party) for (not) saying some things. On some days, I feel that way, I feel it’s not my fault I’ve landed myself in this “Any texting between us will only a liability to you now” thing. And last night was one of those days. And I can’t safely say I loved you cause to me you’re not all that much of positivity(much less to say for long periods), and I doubt you ‘re the one for my anyway. (blank face) (anyway I don’t believe in one- sided love, if pure love even exists)
There’s been some immense ego-depleting, self-hating action going on in me. I kinda can’t really stare at the mirror with what I’m wearing these days. Yeah there’s more of me now than ever. In terms of size. (Sianzipua right) And okay, no one to blame but myself for these food therapy/ happiness replacement/ compensation for a hard day’s work. Body modification looks good somehow, quite tempted, but sighhhhh, my skin would be a tad too thick to (alliteration babyyy!) entrust the needle to it.
Have a good weekend guys. Ta!
